My depression is getting so much worse (seeing a new pdoc in a few days to get back on medication so hopefully this can be taken care of!) but somehow I managed to muster up enough spark to write. I’m not the world’s greatest writer, in fact, I don’t think I’m any good at all, but I thought I’d share this poem because it explains what severe depression can feel like. When I’m like this, I feel like I’ve died. I feel drained of all energy and I feel as though I’m lifeless. So, anyways, here’s my poem called “Depression” (I’m not creative when it comes to naming things, ok??)
A grave is being lowered into the ground,
Around it, everybody is crying, wrecked by their loss,
And I am watching, in absolute reticence.
I can easily identify everybody in attendance,
But I am uncertain who exactly is being buried.
My heart is beating and my blood is flowing,
Medically I am alive.
But if you looked into my eyes,
You’d see my insipid and lifeless gaze in return.
I am nothing more than an apparition – a ghost.
Like a speeding car, it hits me;
I now know for certain who is being buried.
It is me.
I am dead.
I have been killed, by a murderer that cannot be charged.
The murderer was a longtime friend,
As well as my greatest foe.
It was the voice that lingered in my head,
Always taunting me, always dragging me down.
Desperately do I want to stop her burial,
But I know not how.
I am too weak to fight it.
Bipolar Pookie 